Christmas
by maraudersworstmemory
Summary: No matter how hard holidays in general were, it always felt like Christmas sucked the life out of Remus. All around the world, you'd see people singing Christmas Carols, muggle streets lit with lights, and cheer everywhere. But how could you be cheerful when you'd lost everything that had ever mattered to you? / One Shot. Remus.


Christmas had always been hard for Remus.

When he was younger, before he had become a werewolf, his parents tried their best to provide for him. Remus' father was a well respected man at the Ministry; his mother was a muggle. And every Christmas, they would shower him with gifts and love. While they did not want their only child to become spoiled, his parents saw no reason to not give him things that he wanted.

After being bitten by Greyback, however, things changed. His parents _did_ spoil him. Remus suspected, but never asked, that it was due to the guilt that his father felt. After all, without his father's comments about lycanthropes, he would likely have never been targeted. It didn't change his views on his parents, but he also kew that he could milk it for extra things if he wanted.

When he got to Hogwarts, Christmas was a hard time. He went home first year, as Christmas Eve was a full moon. He returned exhausted and looking worse for the wear. His new found friends - Black, Potter, and Pettigrew - thought that he was being abused at home. How could Remus tell them that there was no abuse? Just a monster that slept in the same dormitory as them? He couldn't.

By the time they figured it out, Christmases were getting better. Remus realized that he could trust them, truly and wholly. They were good people and good friends; they would hold his secret forever. Remus could believe in that. And for the first time since being bitten, Remus felt like he belonged somewhere.

That feeling was magical.

And then the war happened. And Remus' life was turned upside down again. Lily and James got married, and he celebrated that first Christmas of their marriage with them, and Padfoot, and Wormtail in the cute little house that they had bought. And then came the baby, Harry. Remus couldn't describe just how excited he was to see _Uncle Mooey_ show up on Christmas with _Pa'foo_ with a big red bag of presents.

And just like that, Lily and James were gone. Wormtail dead. Harry whisked away for his safety. And Sirius, the one Remus thought he could always trust, locked up for the murders of his friends.

Christmas suddenly became a scourge on the calendar. The happiest of memories that Remus could remember couldn't take the pain away from Remus, not on that day.

So he visited Lily and James' grave every Christmas, accompanied by a small stuffed animal for Harry. After his ritual of talking to his friends - _Merlin, I sound so crazy, sitting here in the snow, talking to them,_ he would think, he would return to his apartment and drown his sorrows in fire whiskey. Holidays were hard alone; Halloween was the worst reminder, followed by young Harry's birthday. No matter how _hard_ holidays in general were, it always felt like Christmas sucked the life out of Remus. All around the world, you'd see people singing Christmas Carols, muggle streets lit with lights, and cheer everywhere.

But how could you be cheerful when you'd lost everything that had ever mattered to you?

Redemption came when Remus was least expecting it. Dumbledore, a great man, had offered to let Remus teach Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts. Harry was 13, and so much like a clone of his mother and father. Christmas that year felt almost normal, except for the part where his former best friend was an escapee from prison. Everyone knew that Sirius was coming for Harry. Remus knew that Sirius wanted nothing more than to kill his former best friend's son.

And then, it hadn't been like that at all.

And Remus, once again, felt relief.

And once again, he could spend Christmas with Padfoot. Laughing, joking, and healing the rift that had been caused by the Dark Lord. Two Christmas' of joy and friendship, and a mutual love for the young son of their friend.

Remus' world was turned upside down once more with the untimely death of Sirius Black. He had only just gotten Sirius back; their relationship was starting to feel almost normal again. And just like that, Sirius was gone.

As much as he wanted to hole up and hide away, his next Christmas was spent on a mission for Dumbledore. There was no hiding the fact that Voldemort was back; there was no hiding the fact that he could hopefully atone for his disbelief in Sirius and help Lily and James know that they didn't die without cause. His goal was to make Harry know that he was loved and wanted and that he could get through this, if only with some help from his friends.

A whirlwind of a life found Remus' final Christmas to be of that with happiness. He had been scared about his new wife being pregnant, but as he held her close and gave her a small present that Christmas, he couldn't help but think, _if I were to die tomorrow, I'd have all that I need right here._

And then, the inevitable downside of war happened. Remus and his wife ran into battle, knowing what they were getting into... knowing they likely could die. And they did.

But on the other side of the veil, all was well. It was Christmas every day, but it was a different kind of Christmas. James, Lily, Tonks, and Sirius were all there. Laughing, catching up on everything, and watching over those who they left behind.

Christmas wasn't so bad, after all.


End file.
